ALL IS WELL AT HOME

Dear Gabe,

Every day now it seems the list is growing.  I worried that I was becoming desensitized, I was afraid that I was getting used to death.  I read that a helicopter went down today.  The Band of Brothers, they said.  How sad, I thought.  101st, your dad emphasized.  And I cried.  And then I cried harder because I wasn't sure why I was crying.  I didn't know if I was crying for them, or for you... or for me.  Later I realized that I HAD cried, that I still COULD cry.  That brought me such relief, oh Gabe, you don't know how good I felt afterwards.  It was as if a thorn had been pulled out of my heart and while the wound bled, the pain was gone.

I hate that you are witnessing so much horror and tragedy.  I am so happy that other than your camera, you are fine.  I worry about your bloodstained uniforms.  You're 21.  Your clothes should be stained with grass and barbeque sauce.  You should be ducking footballs and water balloons, not bullets and shrapnel. 

Your dad and I had a nice talk.  Actually I cried and dripped snot.  He listened and pretended not to notice the mucous.  I am so confused about how to feel right now.  I don't remember being this afraid when he was there in '90.  I guess circumstances are different.  The kids were younger, he was older.  I didn't know better.  The war was farther.  His unit wasn't suffering casualties.  Its just so different.  I'm coping though, I really am, so don't worry about me.  It just takes a little longer for things to sink in and for me to react. 

Your brothers and sisters are great.  They are so proud of you and the Military over there.  They have had to deal with some insensitive, ignorant kids at school, but you know them... they set the others straight real quick.  No worries here.

So you just take care of yourself and your buddies.  Do what you have to do, and come home safe.

Miss you tons, love you always,

Mom