1 YEAR

Dear Gabe,

I didn't realize at the time you called that it was an anniversary of sorts.  I was worried about the sadness in your voice, the way your laugh was kind of forced.  I was disappointed about the news that you and Zack wouldn't be able to fly out at the end of the year, but that was no biggie.  What concerned me was the difficulty you are having adjusting now that you are back in the states.  I hope you find a happy in-between to get you through this.

And of course I hated the news of your possible trip being a little sooner than planned.  I hated that part.  I decided to look at it in a positive light though.  The sooner you go, the sooner it will be over with and hopefully you won't have to extend to finish your tour.  Then you can come back home.  That is what I shall focus on.

Back to the 'anniversary of sorts', I realized yesterday what the 19th of November was.  Suddenly it all came back to me, like a fresh wound, and I found myself crying for Idanan just as I had the night you told me the news a year ago.  I still think of him and the others.  For a moment I wished you had never met them, so you wouldn't hurt when they were taken from you, but then I realized how much more would have been lost, so carry their memory with you always.

Ugh, I hope I'm not depressing you.  Heck, I'm depressing myself.  I'm just so glad you're home, even if you're not right here with us.  Can't wait until you're home for good.  I don't even care where 'home' ends up being.  I just miss you.

Love you always,

Mom~